Wow, I really planned to write about Griff's trial this weekend, but yesterday completely overshadows it right now...but I'll try to remember what I was excited about.
Saturday was bumpy, as it was my first day trialing in a long time. We were up early, at the venue early, and feeling like kids who had no idea where to sit in the lunch room on the first day of school. I did find someone I knew and set up the crate near her. We started with Jackpot, which was the first run of the day and often is a chaotic sort of warm up run. Griff actually did pretty well for a first run, had a bit of a bobble with the weaves (which became a theme of this trial, eek) but was responsive and took his cues well. He also, unfortunately, knocked a bar in the gamble (another theme) which I had left just enough time for (bad handler) so he didn't Q in that round.
I have to admit, although I don't have fancy agility aspirations, a first run like that was enough to make me consider bagging the whole thing. Insecurity+what-if thinking=crazypants. But I decided it wasn't fair to let it wreck his experience, after all, he'd been attentive and working hard, and one knocked bar was all that kept the run from being a success. So, we regrouped and prepared for Standard, which is always my favorite because 1. they give you the course and 2. few decoy obstacles. He rocked both standard runs except for weave bobbles (damn, where are they coming from?!?) and got a first place in the first run as well as two qs. He did very well in wildcard as well with a q and first, and only missed a q in colors due to a knocked bar.
(Theme: knocked bars, weave pole difficulty, repeat!)
I was pretty pleased about Saturday, after all, Griff had a one year break from trialing and with only a moderate increase in pre-start line reactivity had been fast, mostly accurate, and very responsive on day one.
Sunday was a great day, with four qs and two firsts, and our first ever Snooker q! He rocked that course with perfect execution even though I changed my plan from what I walked at the last minute. His only nq was my fault as I forgot where I was going in the first Standard run (shocker) and sent him the wrong way. Oops. However, weave poles were an issue all day, and we had one back jump in jumpers (the only time he does this, weird). But overall, seven qs, four firsts, one fourth, and three mostly solid runs even though they didn't q.
Unfortunately, there was no hanging on to the high from the trial. My rabbit Harvey died Monday morning, quite suddenly. I'm not going to write about the details because I still feel so sick about the whole event, but it was unexpected and terrible.
Losing him I'm sure won't be as hard as putting Monkey to sleep was. I had Monkey for years and had nursed him for several years through CRF before he just didn't have enough kidneys left anymore. I still miss the hell out of that cat and often think I see him out of the corner of my eye. I "heard" him all the time in the house before I moved back to Portland.
However, losing a pet suddenly is pretty awful, and being a vet who is supposedly trained to address situations like that and not being able to save him was pretty shocking. I have felt much worse in some ways since it happened than when Monk died. That was a horrible sense of loss and sadness, but this right now is something really sickening and hard to describe. I know it won't last as long, but the feelings are somehow more icky. Sadness can actually be helpful in some ways, and this feeling (guilt, shock, whatever) doesn't feel cathartic at all.
So today I am trying to distract myself from the ever present ick. I ran four miles this morning which was the only time I didn't feel sick. I made myself eat lunch with lots of veggies and color. I made myself put on a sundress and meet my mom for coffee. I'll make myself go to agility class tonight and try to just enjoy running Griff (and working on the stinkin' weave poles). But I can't help the sneak attack badness that waxes and wanes. Guess I will have to ride it out.
This week is a maintenance running week (same distance as last week) so my long run is only five miles, but next week it's time for six. Since the most I've ever run at one time is 6.5, yeah, we're getting up there. Time to register for the half? Dunno....
2 comments:
Yeah I know what you mean. I remember missing a diagnosis on my first real show dog. I knew something was off for months but I couldn't find it until she went into CHF from SBE. No temperature elevation, no high white count, high globulin levels or even heart murmer. Yet she had E. coli SBE growing and damaging the aortic valve. As a referral specialist it was doubly humbling since I see these type of cases for a living-and to not recognize it in time in my own dog.
It helps to be a better veterinarian by remembering the feeling of helplessness, anger, frustration you had and realize your clients are feeling the same thing with their pets when we give them bad news.
Wow, I can't imagine how you could have picked up on that...so sad. Why is it that vets' and vet students' pets always get the weird stuff? I had a classmate whose dog was diagnosed with a large tumor underneath the skull that turned out to be squamous cell carcinoma?!? She was only four!
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