title?

According to the CPE rule book, Griffin is now Griffin McGuinness, CL1-R. Hmm.

He Q'd in both standard runs and took 1st for his height class, and Q'd in colors. Perfect runs, no faults.

His behavior at the trial overall was downright eerily good.

I'll write more later, but our new goals are:

finish CPE level 1 (need snooker, full house, jumpers, wild card, and jackpot)
work on standard level 2 (esp need to focus on proper teeter execution)
work on pre-start line behavior.

I am super proud of him.

and also...

the travel crate smells like plastic and is making me nauseated. I can't imagine this is good for a dog's much more sensitive nose. If Griff yaks on the course tomorrow, I'm gonna complain to someone in marketing...

more nerves

So, not the best move on my part, I waited til tonight to get Griff accustomed to his travel crate. Bad mom. But luckily, he doesn't seem to care, in fact, he was happy to wait in it for kibble, so as long as he's not left in there indefinitely tomorrow, I hope we can get by. I can always take him to the car, which would be ok although he will probably bark at the other dogs that go by.

I'm nervous! Because of vet school, I'm constantly doing things that make me nervous, which ought to make it easier, but that hasn't become the case yet. I think nerves are about the worst feeling in the world, and if I didn't have strong mental control, I'd avoid doing anything that made me nervous, ever.

But really, it should be about having a good time. It doesn't really matter how it goes tomorrow, as long as I show up and handle him the best I'm able, and he has a good time. Even if people are bitchy, or he blows me off, or I fall over. No problem. It happens. We'll live.

I wish I had some idea of when we run though, so I could determine the appropriate time to really begin getting nervous. Ahem.

first trial nerves!

So our first "real" trial is on Saturday and Sunday. We are doing two standard, one jumpers, and one colors run. I fully expect the first standard run to be crap, hopefully at least colors will go ok. With the special color cones, maybe I won't get lost and fall on my ass.

I am most worried about:

1. Griff freaking out in his travel kennel, which he has barely used.
2. me getting lost and falling on my ass.
3. Griff deciding I suck and leaving the ring
4. me getting lost and falling on my ass
5. the mean uber-agilibitches laughing at my poor skiznills
6. me getting lost and falling on my ass
7. serpentines
8. ass-falling

pick self up, dust self off

I am having mid-goal angst and crisis. After about a 15-17 pound weight loss, I seem to be fluctuating wildly and stagnating on any real progress. Even though I've increased my running by a lot. A lot for me at least. I hate seeing the scale at those evil numbers. I hate no progress.

Soooooooooo time to regroup.

plan
1. do another food journal
2. come up with some new recipes or eating options
3. figure out how to use the scale so that it's helpful and not hindering.
4. make tea when studying so less tempted to eat


I hate midterm season, since I have no time to do anything but study, so food becomes the ever-tempting "reward"... I know food isn't supposed to be used like that, but it's hard when I don't have time for any healthy reward system. Except for my run and my bath. Otherwise, it's hours and hours of study. And I am tempted by the cereal and crackers in the other room.

I know this is worth it, but right now it's hard. Hard hard hard.

yum, brains...

We are cute...



We are watching birds...do dee do....

I'm just streeeeeeeeeetching...


Now I will EAT YOUR FACE!

I am a dingus.

Griff may be less than brill, but at least he isn't an undead zombie-type animal.

confessions of a recovering overeater

I've battled with food since I was about nine, when I used to go to my friend Heidi's house because we could walk to the grocery store and buy Hershey's bars, and not just the small ones, but the giant ones, which we would then eat with peanut butter from the jar. Since my recent bout with vet-school induced poorness has basically obligated me to drop some weight or go naked, I've given up or altered a lot of my food-related habits. At heart, though, I have a difficult relationship with food, and will have all my life.

I'm glad I'm working on it. I'm glad I'm running, that more of my clothes fit, that I've lost 15 (!!) pounds since September, while maintaining a pretty decent (3.9ish) GPA, taking care of the animals, managing not to drive away my boyfriend, etc.

However, there are days like today when i'm reminded why food is such a big fucking problem. Today nothing feels good. Everything, school, family, pets, friends, knitting even, feels uncomfortable or disappointing. Nothing's wrong, it's just one of those princess and the pea days where things chafe even though they shouldn't.

It's days like this that I miss eating peanut butter m & m's, or barbecue potato chips and cheerios (don't know why the combo is good, it just is). I miss eating them to excess because I know the *satiety* would be so satisfying. It's not happiness, but it's short term gratification. I miss coke, it's sticky security. I miss the Creme Brulee candy bars (those things are freaking good, for what it's worth), and eating way more then I ought.

I don't want to overeat, because I know the consequences, and I feel in control of myself and glad to eat my banana instead. I just feel the edge of that oh-so-slippery slope, and know not teetering off of it will take energy, probably for the rest of my life. Nothing in my life right now is so easy -and- so mood-elevating, at the same time. I know it's temporary, but on days where everything feels like my underpants are two sizes too small, it's very fucking tempting.