Performance Anxiety

Grr, trial anxiety sucks.

I really need to chill out. This isn't a job interview, a surgery, an exam. No one cares if we do well or suck it up the whole way. It needs to be about fun and working with my dog.

So WTF is up with the anxiety? I feel like crap.

Makes me wonder if getting an agility pup is such a great idea.

Five miles and almost trial time

Long run was five miles today, that's a lot of miles (alot of miles? hard to picture an alot made out of mileage). My right leg's joints and ligaments are deciding to rebel, so I had to watch my ankle, arch, and knee, in that order, during the run. Stuck to the treadmill since I was still sore from hills on Wednesday. I managed in 56 minutes and 24 seconds. Slow, but a realistic pace.

Got the roster for the trial this weekend, and got instant nervousness. It's been a bit since I've trialed, and I'm hoping 1. the dog stays in the ring, and 2. I don't fall down. Talk about lowering expectations. I'd love to get a Q or two...but let's not get greedy.

For some reason I'm all emotional today. Turned the tv on, cried over a Houston SPCA rescue of a chimpanzee, then over the end of Sleepless in Seattle. WTF.

Better make a list of needed trial accoutrement.

Also

I really want to go ride my bike, but I'm scared, since it requires 1. new air in the tires, 2. a helmet that I don't have and 3. riding up and down hills, which may be beyond my flimsy fitness level right now.

I do loooove my bike tho....

Front crosses make me mad

Seems like the common feature of every agility class lately is me fucking up front crosses. I try to avoid them when they're warranted, I put them in when they're not, I walk the course with several and forget to do them, blah blah blah. I really hate them, and my instructor is not giving me any tips to make them easier. I need to practice the one jump front cross or maybe more floor work just so Griff understands them more, so maybe that will help make up for my inability to correctly time them...frustrating.

One thing Griff and I definitely need to work on is coming to the correct side. The arm is not enough when there is discrimination work to be done, and it requires me to work much harder through jumps when I really shouldn't have to. Susan Garrett would scoff. I guess again work sans obstacles is necessary. We really didn't focus much on handling maneuvers without obstacles in our early training and I guess it is now biting me in the ass. Meh.

However, we are trialing on Saturday and Sunday so I don't think we'll be training much before then. Maybe a few easy jump grids if I get the back lawn mowed. He ran with me today as well, but I don't think I'll take him along for the rest of the week, and definitely not for my five miler.

I ran outside today for the first time in a month and a half, and ouch. The first half mile was not pleasant, and both up and down hill were biting. I warmed up and did probably about 3.5 miles or so. I had to walk the big hill, it's just to freaking steep right now and by then I was worried about my knee. The first half of the run made me very afraid for half-marathon times. Running on a treadmill with no real incline is much much different than running up and down hills and other uneven terrain. I guess at least one or two outdoor runs are needed per week now that it's not 100+ outside. Still, maybe 13.1 is too far? We'll see if the achilles and knees hold out.

Agility and other stuff

This weekend is Griff's first agility trial for a year, at the Ridgefield fairgrounds. We are entered in 5 runs per day for Saturday and Sunday. I am nervous again, since I don't know if he'll remember how to behave in the ring, and if I'll remember how to handle. Hopefully, we can get an easy run to start so I can remember not to handle like a jackass. We'll see! Class tonight will hopefully be better than recent ones, and maybe I'll not be so paranoid that my dog will leave the ring in embarrassment due to my crappy handling!

Guinn is back in physical therapy. I can't really believe he's still kicking, not to mention back in the underwater treadmill. After a nasty sarcoma in the ECR muscle, a major surgery to remove the entire muscle belly, a skin flap, skin flap failure and infection, seven days in the hospital on IV antibiotics, a slough from SQ baytril admin on the other front leg, and a scary incident a few months later where he ostensibly threw a clot to that leg and went into shock, he's still survivin'. Bless his big ole heart.

In other news, puppies were born a week ago! There are eight, four males, four females. I am fourth on the wait list, plus the breeder will keep the pick (usually). I thought I wanted a blue merle female, but I will probably go based on temperment, play and food drive, and sociability rather than gender or color. Hope there's one for me!

In non-dog news, training for half marathon is on week 3. My long run this week is 5 miles, which seems daunting a bit, but mostly because it's the last "reasonable" distance for my long distance runs. From here on, they go from 6-10 miles. The most I've ever run, once, is 6.5 miles. We'll see if the achilles, knees, IT bands, hips, etc. hold out.

Trying to improve my diet as well. Went to New Seasons and bought, per the list:

Spinach

Two heirloom tomatoes

Sweet cherry tomatoes

English cucumber

Champagne grapes

Apple

Avocado

Dave's killer whole wheat bread

Balsamic vinegar

Natural peanut butter

Fresh mozarella (J wants caprese salad tomorrow)

Corn

My only list deviations were:

Dried non-sweetened, non-sulfated mango

broccoli (who can fault that?)

Sheep's milk cheese

llama sorbet bars (strawberry, 70 cals each, to combat the ice cream cravings lately)

Fresh and tasty produce is spendy! But much cheaper than eating out. I'll make J caprese salad and corn tomorrow, probably with some protein source yet to be determined.

I have run 28.5 miles so far this month, wOOt! More than I ran all of July. Still haven't unpacked the scales tho, hoping I don't want to kick myself once I find it.

Class 8/10

Serpentines-good
Weaves-difficulty with entries a few times.
Front crosses-suck
knocked bars-moderate
focus-good

agility again

After a six month hiatus from class and a twelve month hiatus from trialing, our first trial of the summer is in two weeks. Class has become an exercise in frustration. it's not Griff's fault. I take full responsibilty but the problem is I don't feel like I am getting the feedback I need to correct my mistakes. My instructor is constantly on my ass, which is embarrasing. I know he is a talented dog and that I am the weak link, but I'm all he's got, so i'd really like help improving my handling. i'm tempted to find another class since I'm not working and see if fresh eyes can give me a hand.

For example I am stymied by front crosses. He doesn't read them well , i don't time them well. It would be nice to be given some drills to improve my timing and his understanding of the front cross. But instead, I get vague advice about how I am late, etc. I know I'm late, I just can't seem to get the timing right. GRrr.

Plus, there are so many people in class right now, we get three run throughs at most in an hour. Hardly enough to improve. I imust admit, I feel a little written off.

We practiced on Sunday. Good weaves, a really nice line of six jumps as serpentines. He was executnig them brilliantly by the end. We'll see how tonght goes.

i've got success wth one jump and grid work to do at home; too bad my wonderful half acre is gone!

More later, regarding Guinness, jobs and puppies!